It really, really pays to be a ditz--- or at least pretend to be one. I have witnessed them breeze through life with so much ease, earn top dollars and own multi-million companies. They've got me thinking, putangina, life is fucking unfair. I didn't go to college just to work my butt off in another country for a job that offers a so-so pay, while seeing all these ditzes wrap themselves in their own cash. Let us take for example:
Case Number 1: Heidi
A certified University of Southern California cumlaude and a graduate of medicine and dentistry, one could easily picture Heidi with a sharp tongue, a severe corporate dresser, and a personality that's stiff as a stick. Heck, without having met her, I'd automatically go and think: "Kumakantot pa kaya sya?". My friends, think again. The moment she walked into our office, I almost mistook her for a Hooters retired veteran. To start off, she's a forty-something Persian/Middle Eastern--- with long blonde curly hair that has signs of dark brown unretouched roots sprouting out from the top of her scalp. She dresses like your top ho, the only difference is that her Pradas are really pradas and not prados. Likewise, her Chanels are really from Chanel. If you look at Heidi's face upclose, beneath the chunks of cakey make-up, botox and lip plumpers, she's actually pretty. She has big round eyes, the most enviable nose... and her boobs, omigod, don't even get me started on her boobs. They seem like they were surgically enhanced to stick together. Needless to mention, her wardrobe consists of tons of bustiers or just about anything that would show off her cleavage.
Before learning the real deal, it baffled me how ridiculously wealthy Heidi is. She's not only an MD, she's also one of SoCal's real estate moguls. Add to that her expensive array of cars, jewelry and anything else you can think of, I can bet my broke ass that she has it. She owns a plane goddamit. A fucking plane, parang heller, ang fabulous mo naman masyado. The funny thing is that when you talk to her, she'll come off as anything BUT intelligent. Dude, there's gotta be something wrong here. As months passed, she being our biggest client, I noticed that she tends to make very risky decisions--- like buying a shopping center without even seeing it, hiring someone who has been convicted of shoplifting... weird stuff no one in their right mind would ever think of doing. I later found out that all these things were nothing but strategies... The shopping center she bought just so she could sell it again to an eager buyer who's willing to pay twice as much. The shoplifter was hired AFTER being told that Heidi knew she committed a felony but trusted her anyway. This kept the employee on her toes all the time.
Now that's exactly the kind of out-of-the-box thinking I like.
Heidi intends to project herself as a ditz. She explained to her lawyer (who happens to be a very good friend of mine, so of course he told me) that she likes it when people underestimate her because of her bleach blonde hair, slutty get-up and well endowed body. She likes the fact that people think they can manipulate her to do anything, when in fact, she's the one who usually comes right from the back and grabs you by the balls when you least expect it. Little do they know that this woman they're trying to mooch from happens to be a doctor, dentist, realtor and cumlaude... may airplane pa. Ang taray.
Case Number 2: Me
Inspired by Heidi and the lack of anything good happening to me, I decided to see if this whole ditz thing will work for me too. I used to be a strong advocate of being a woman with testicles--- strong, smart and independent. Eh tignan nyo ako ngayon, ganun pa din. Strong strong nga, wala namang savings. Leche.
Every other Saturday, Shi and I usually join a group of 8 to 10 guys to play poker in Eagle Rock. These guys are hard-core, they even go to Vegas to join poker tournaments, and I, being the girl and rookie in this testosterone filled environment, am subjected to an aura of unwelcoming stares the moment I take my place on the table.
The dealer lays the flop, I look at my cards and saw that I have a strong full house. Three kings and a pair. I ask the dealer: "Can I fold?", and he laughingly replies.. "You gotta wait for your turn first."
Everyone thought it was a dead giveaway, knowing that I wanted to fold, I obviously had a pair of shitty cards.
I look up, drumming my fingers on my chin, my turn comes and I say: "I won't fold nalang."
At this point in the game, they were probably thinking that they were playing with the biggest idiot in poker history.
Some guys would raise, some would opt to just check, I just called on whatever they were raising and check when everyone wanted to check-- as if I had no clue what the hell I was doing.
When the last card on the flop was laid, this total ignoramus beside me went all in. I called it and said: "All in is when you try to buy off each other right?" The ignoramus looked completely annoyed and just replied: "No, it's when you bet all your money."
"Oh..."
Tangina mo, kung alam mo lang, ginagago na kita noh.
Anyway, we flipped our cards and obviously, my full house beat his double pair. To make things worse, I said: "Oh shit, you have two aces? I thought my kings were the highest na! Kala ko pa naman I won na!"
His face was priceless. 
